MWT 2007: Misting 3: The Get Rich Chain Letter
by Billie Marie
Summary: 3rd fan fic in the Mystery Wrestling Theater 2007 series. Will Bret and Shawn's truce hold? Find out and see how Bret, Sean and DX deal when forced to read their first spam.
1. Intro

**Title: **

**Mystery Wrestling Theater 2007: **

**Misting #3: The Get Rich Chain Letter**

**Rated: Suitable for mature teens and older**

**Summary: 3rd fic in the Mystery Wrestling Theater 2007 series. In this fan fic, Bret, Sean, and DX have to read their first spam. Will Bret and Shawn's truce come to an end?**

**Recap: In the last fic in the series, the four were shown to have settled in, with some difficulties. Bret had shown that he was very domestic and despite his problems with Shawn Michaels, he realizes that he has to try to hold things together. Sean had to deal with Vince's camera's infatuation. Hunter is missing Stephanie and Aurora terribly enough to try to get information out of Shane, who is working for his father. Finally, Shawn had to come to realize the truth about Vince, Rebecca and his own behavior. In an attempt to coincide with each other, Shawn and Bret have formed a temporary truce. **

**Characters: Bret Hart, Sean Waltman, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Vince McMahon, **

**Sources: I do not own any of the wrestlers or Vince or his children. I don't own the characters or the concept from Mystery Science Theater. The only original character in the series is Marie, Vince's hired writer and finder of awful spams and fan fics.**

**I also am not the person who came up with the concept of mixing wrestling and Mystery Science Theater. My inspiration is Amanda Stevens who came up with the wonderful cast of misters that I am currently using. **

**Format: Things characters say will be in script form. Their actions will be in (). The name of the character talking will be bold. Things that are part of posts will continue to be written in italics.**

**Enjoy!**


	2. Wheel of Fortune

Time: 3rd day of our heroes' captivity

Place: The den of the Satellite of Degenerates

The snake camera slithers into the den where our heroes are relaxing. Bret is in a chair, slightly separated from the rest of the group. He is reading, trying to ignore the others, yet thankful for some activity to break up the boredom.

Meanwhile, Shawn, Hunter and Sean are sitting on the couch right in front of the plasma television set. They have various drinks and snacks spread out on the coffee table in front of them. Bret prays that they don't stick him with the clean up later.

Showing on the television is Wheel of Fortune. The current puzzle on the screen has two words and looks like this (the blanks represent the white tiles you would see if you were watching Wheel a Fortune, the slashes represent space between the letters):

blank / blank / blank / blank / E / blank / E

blank/ blank / E / R / C / E

The puzzle's category is: 'Television Character'.

The first contestant, a woman in her 40s, spins the wheel. The wheel lands on $500.

**Hunter:** (guesses a letter) 'H'.

**Sean:** Why 'H'?

**Hunter:** It's my favorite letter.

On tv:

**Contestant 1:** (guesses) 'H'.

**Pat Sajak:** There is one 'H'. (Vanna turns the letter)

SOD:

**Hunter: **(smiles in satisfaction at Sean)

**Sean:** Lucky guess.

**Shawn:** (reads the puzzle) So now we have:

H / blank / blank / blank / E / blank / E

blank/ blank / E / R / C / E

**Hunter:** No idea.

On tv:

**Contestant 1:** I'll spin again. (spins, wheel lands on $1000)

SOD:

**DX & Sean:** Nice!

**Sean:** Now that's what I call big money.

On tv:

**Contestant 1:** (guesses letter) 'L'… (loud beep)

**Sajak:** Sorry, no L's.

SOD:

**DX & Sean:** (say along with the crowd) Awwww…

**Shawn:** (guessing) Han…Hap…

**Sean:** What makes you think the next letter's an 'A'? Could be an 'I'.

**Hunter:** Hip…Hid…

On tv:

**Contestant 2:** (a woman in her early 30s) I'd like to buy a vowel.

**Sajak:** Go ahead.

**Contestant 2:** I'd like to buy an 'A'.

**Sajak:** There is one 'A'. (Vanna reveals the 'A' to be right after the 'H')

SOD:

**Shawn:** (guessing) Hack

**Bret:** Hawkeye Pierce. (the others turn their heads to look at Bret) You know, the doctor from MASH.

**Shawn:** I knew that.

**Bret:** Sure. (Sean and Hunter exchange looks)

**Shawn:** I did Mr. Know-It…

**Bret:** (sees the long necked camera) Hullo… (he puts down his book, Shawn turns down the tv)

**Hunter:** (turns his attention to the camera) Kid, your girlfriend's back.

**Sean:** Not funny.

**Bret:** (interrupting) Welcome to the Satellite of Degenerates. For those of you keeping count…

**Sean:** Like Vince.

**Bret:** It's our third day aboard…

**Hunter:** (interrupting) This hell hole.

**Bret:** And we're still sane…I think.

**Shawn:** And if not sane, well, at least we're still in one piece.

**Bret:** So, so far, things aren't going quite according to Vince's plan.

**Sean:** More precisely, Bret and Shawn haven't killed each other yet.

**Hunter:** And after yesterday's fic, they've been strangely civil to each other. (to Bret and Shawn) And the reason for that is…

**Shawn:** We told you; we called a temporary truce.

**Sean:** Which will last how long?

**Hunter:** Ooh! (raises his arm and waves his hand annoyingly) I know the answer to this one.

**Sean:** (calls on Hunter) Hunter.

**Hunter:** The truce will last until either Bret or Shawn opens his mouth and says something to annoy the other.

**Sean:** Correct! (he and Hunter receive glares from Shawn and Bret)

A familiar beeping sound is heard and Vince's face pops onto the plasma screen. Our heroes groan at the sight of him.

**Vince:** I am not sorry about interrupting your regularly scheduled program. Wheel of Fortune will not return after this message from your sponsor.

**Sean:** But I wanted to see if the winner won the big prize.

**Vince:** She doesn't.

**Hunter:** And you know that because…

**Vince:** I'm friends with the show's producer. He gets a laugh when the contestant loses and shares that good feeling with me.

**Hunter:** Figures.

**Bret:** All right Vince, you have a fan fic for us?

**Vince:** You actually want it?

**Bret:** Just so we can get this over with.

**Shawn:** Can't be any worse than yesterday's.

**Vince:** I guess it's not as personal.

**Shawn:** Thank God.

**Vince:** But it is mind numbingly awful. Instead of writing an original piece, I asked Marie to find a piece of spam. (heroes groan) And I asked her to alter it by adding grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. (heroes groan) It's such a challenge for her to write poorly…but she did it…and now you get to read it. (goes off screen)

**Shawn:** (to Bret) You worried?

**Bret:** (to Shawn) After yesterday's post, are you?

The familiar lights and alarms go off.

**Hunter:** We've got fan fic sign…

End of part 1

What did you think?


	3. The Get Rich Chain Letter

Our heroes enter the theater and sit down in their seats. From left to right are: Sean, Bret, Shawn, and Hunter.

**Sean:** (to Bret and Shawn) Are you two sure you should be sitting next to each other?

**Bret:** There's nothing to worry about. Shawn and I have an understanding.

**Shawn:** Besides Kid, we'll have you and Hunter to hold us back if that understanding breaks down.

**Hunter:** (sarcastic) Joy.

The theater screen counts down: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

**All:** Blast off. (the first line of the post appears)

_To Whom It May Concern:_

**Shawn:** Vince was right when he said this spam wasn't personal. 'To Whom It May Concern' is about impersonal as you can get.

**Hunter:** The fact that Vince sent this, I take that very personally.

_Make extra money, want to, don't you?_

**Sean:** Are we even getting paid for being here?

**Hunter:** No.

**Sean:** Then how can we make extra money? (they all ponder this)

_Want to know how, do you?_

**Shawn:** This isn't going to be written like this the whole way through, is it?

_Tell you something, I will._

**Bret:** (answering Shawn's question) Apparently, yes.

**Sean:** Apparently, the writer wants to talk like Yoda.

**DX:** (singing Weird Al Yankovic's 'Yoda') Yoda, Y-O-D-A, Yoda. (Sean and Bret stare DX)

_Easy it is._

**Sean:** Use the force.

**Hunter:** I'd like to use the force to send this junk to a galaxy far, far away.

_All it takes is a few minutes of your time_

**Bret:** Forget it, my time is precious.

**Shawn:** We're on this satellite until we go crazy and die, or until Vince calls off this feud…

**Hunter:** Or until Vince dies.

**Shawn: **Any which way you look at it, we're going to be here for a while, so you have the time.

_and a careful reading of my instructions_

**Sean:** (panicking) Instructions? There's instructions?

**Bret:** Why are you panicking over instructions?

**Sean:** Because if they're anything like 'insert slot A into slot B and then turn dial A ninety degrees to the right', I'm in trouble.

**Bret:** Remind me never to buy you anything that says 'some assembly required'. (Sean visibly cringes)

**Hunter:** Guess that means Terri puts the kid's toys together and sets up the electrical equipment that you play with, right Kid?

**Sean:** Uh…back to the post.

_The following 10 steps, do them and money in the future, it will come._

**All:** Yes master.

**Hunter:** Better sentence structure, pray it come to you.

_Step 1: Address an envelope to your a friend. You will find an envelope and a sheet of stamps under your seat._

**All:** (check under their seats, each man pulls out an envelope and the stamps)

**Sean:** How did these get here?

**Bret:** Vince, most likely.

**Shawn:** Are we really going to do this?

**Hunter:** Sure, why not? I'll address mine to you…

**Shawn:** And you're my best friend, so I'll address mine to you. (pause, can't resist) That takes care of us, but what are Bret and the Kid going to do? Neither has any friends.

**Sean:** (as DX addresses their envelopes to each other) Bret, want to be my friend and help me kill Shawn?

**Bret:** If he keeps making comments like that, I will, regardless of the truce.

_Step 2: Into the addressed envelope, place $1.00._

**DX:** (place $1.00 into each of their envelopes)

**Sean:** (checking wallet) I don't have $1.00. The smallest thing I have is a $20.

**Bret:** I can't believe you're all actually doing this.

_If you don't have a $1.00, put in the smallest bill you have._

**Bret:** And that ladies and gentlemen is what we call a scam. (Sean puts his money away)

_Step 3: Seal the envelope._

**DX:** (follows step 3)

_Step 4: Place a stamp on it and send it to your friend. _

**Hunter:** (places a stamp on his, Shawn's done the same to his) Here you are Shawn. (hands the letter)

**Shawn:** (accepts Hunter's letter) And here you are Hunter. (hands his letter over, which Hunter accepts)

**Bret:** And the point of that was…

**Sean:** To relieve boredom.

_Step 5: Additionally, email this post to your friend so that they have the instructions telling them what to do next._

**Shawn:** Hunter's reading this post though.

**Hunter:** Let's just pretend, for real, that you sent it Shawn.

**Shawn:** As long as you don't, for real, punch me for sending it.

_Step 6: Repeat steps 1-5 as often as desired._

**Hunter:** Or as many times as it takes till you run out of friends.

_Steps 7-10 are to be performed by your friend._

**Sean:** Guess that means I don't have to do anything.

**Hunter:** The Kid just admitted that he has no other friends besides Shawn and me.

**Sean:** I have two words for you Hunter.

**Hunter:** No thanks. Vince may go for that sort of thing, but I don't.

**Shawn:** A Vince cock joke during a misting, now I'm impressed.

**Bret:** (just shakes his head knowing that Vince heard that and probably added time to their existence on the satellite)

_Step 7: Upon receiving your friend's money, address an envelope back to them._

**Bret:** That's the second time the author has made that mistake.

**Sean:** What mistake?

**Bret:** Noun-antecedent disagreement.

**Shawn:** (has no clue what Bret just said) Huh?

**Bret:** It's a grammatical error.

**Shawn:** (still clueless) What is?

**Bret:** The indirect object, 'your friend's money', is singular. The pronoun that later replaces the noun in the sentence is 'them', which is plural. The correct pronoun to use in this sentence is a singular pronoun like 'him and/or her'.

**Shawn:** I see. (gestures to Hunter that Bret might be starting to lose it)

_Step 8: Place into the envelope double your friend's money. So if your friend mailed you $1.00, you mail them $2.00. If your friend mailed you $20, you mail $40._

**Sean:** $40! Damn! I should have sent that $20. Thanks a lot, Bret.

**Bret:** You should thank me; I saved you from doing something stupid.

**Sean:** How so?

**Bret:** Do you honestly think that if someone received $20, that they'd send it back to you with $20 of their own money? (Sean considers this)

_Step 9: Repeat steps 7 and 8 for as many times as you receive this email and these envelopes._

**Bret:** If you do this, instead of keeping the money, you're an idiot.

_Step 10: While answering your friends money and emails, follow steps 1-5 and you two can become rich._

**Shawn:** Which two of us?

**Bret:** I think that's supposed to be t-o-o as in also.

**Shawn:** Oh, the author's ongoing problem with homonym usage.

**Sean:** Guys, you realize what this is, right? (the others look at him with inquisitive looks) It's a chain letter carefully disguised as a get rich quick scheme.

**Hunter:** That's low. Now, I'm really pissed.

_Follow these 10 steps and not only you can be rich, but your friends can too._

**Sean:** (singing the song 'Fugue for Tinhorns' from the musical Guys and Dolls) Can too. Can too. You friends can be rich, can too. (the others exchange worried looks)

_Works it does, trust me._

**Shawn:** Trust you, we do not.

_I am proof that _

**Hunter:** Birth control doesn't always work.

_it does._

**Hunter:** On the contrary, most birth control, when used individually, is only ninety-five percent effective.

**Sean:** Sounds like you speak from experience Hunter. Weren't planning on the baby, were you? (Hunter glares at Sean)

_Like you, I once doubted_

**Hunter:** (like the author) That you could get pregnant after the first time. (the others exchange looks)

_But then I did it_

**Hunter:** (like the author) And nine months later, I gave birth.

**Shawn:** (worried) Hunter…

_And it was the best thing I ever did._

**Hunter:** (like the author) It hurt like hell, but on the bright side, I crushed my husband's hand.

**Sean:** You poor man.

**Hunter:** Yeah, Stephanie's stronger than she looks.

**Sean:** I mean she lied to you. She wasn't a virgin when you two met. (Hunter glares)

**Shawn:** And just how do you know that, Kid?

**Sean:** (trying to back peddle) Um…uh…

**Shawn:** That's what I thought.

_I, against my better judgment, followed this spam's instructions._

**Bret:** And sent this lousy spam to us. Thanks.

_I sent ten $1 dollar bills to ten separate people along with this email._

**Shawn:** Hey, we were sent this email. Where's our money?

**Bret: **Want to bet it's with Vince?

**Sean:** Wait, Vince has our mail and he's opened it?

**Bret:** Probably.

**Sean:** That's tampering with the postal service. That's illegal.

**Bret:** Yes, but the law doesn't apply to people like Vince.

**Sean:** True…if it did, we wouldn't be here.

_Within 1 week, I made $20._

**Bret:** $10 of which was originally the author's own.

**Sean:** Sssh. You're not supposed to point out the author's stupidity.

**Bret:** But it's fun.

_I then sent 20 one dollar bills to twenty other people and _

**Sean:** (as author) Got taken for the fool that I am.

_received $40 a week after that._

**Sean:** $20 of which was your own.

**Bret:** What was that about pointing out the author's stupidity?

**Sean:** You were right that it's fun.

_Each week thereafter I doubled my money. Currently, I am at $500. I had to start sending more than $1.00 to my friends because I don't have 500 friends._

**Hunter:** (as author) I don't even have one friend.

**Sean:** Which means she'll be sending the money to strangers?

**Hunter:** She's obviously hoping that people are honest and stupid.

_In another week, I will have $1000. _

**Bret:** Just watch, four weeks will pass and she'll still be waiting by the mailbox for $1000.

**Shawn:** You think she's that stupid?

**Bret:** Stupid or naïve.

**Shawn:** Guess you would know the difference. (Bret glares)

_I think of all I'll be able to do with my money._

**Bret:** What a sad, delusional person.

**Shawn:** If anyone would know a thing about sad and delusional, it's you.

**Bret:** (to Shawn) You're pushing it. (Hunter and Sean exchange looks)

_I'll be able to go on a shopping spree and buy clothes and a big screen tv and a computer_

**Sean:** (as author) I owe money on my credit cards and am in debt, but why be practical?

_and a new stereo_

**Hunter:** (talking excitedly and being annoying) and a new gaming system and a new car…

**Bret:** Hunter, she only has $1000.

**Hunter:** I know that, but she doesn't realize that the new computer will put her over her limit. If she wants the stereo, she's going to have to shoplift it.

**Bret:** Then she's really stupid and deserves to serve time in prison.

_I sent this email to my friends, and became rich, they did._

**Sean:** What the author doesn't realize is that these so called friends found her personal information and took the money from her bank accounts. And she's too stupid to ask the bank why her statements at the end of each month make no sense.

_Bought a boat and a new house, one of my friends recently did._

**Sean:** (to screen) Don't write any checks any time soon.

_In fact, I'm going on my friend's boat right after I send this._

**Shawn:** Better yet, could you just go?

_I'm going to have the most wonderful time._

**Sean:** Until she finds out that her so called friends stole all her money. Then, she'll realize that she is indeed an idiot and jump off the boat, drowning herself in the ocean.

**Shawn:** Which was the same thing Bret felt like doing after the Survivor Series in Montreal when he knew his career was over. (realizes what he just said, and puts a hand to his mouth)

**Bret:** (rising temper) Shawn…

**Shawn:** (gulps) Yes?

**Bret:** You have five seconds to start running.

**Shawn:** You're being generous. (stands) Excuse me Hunter. (exits row, runs up aisle, Bret follows and runs after Shawn)

**Sean:** (when Shawn and Bret have left) The truce lasted longer than I thought it would.

**Hunter:** But it's definitely over now.

**Sean:** The post; however, is not.

_The End_

**Hunter:** Now it is.

**Sean:** Should we go keep Bret and Shawn from killing each other?

**Hunter:** Now Kid, if we do things for them, they'll never learn.

**Sean:** Should we go watch them kill each other?

**Hunter:** Now, you're learning.

Hunter and Sean walk up the aisle and enter the den to find, much to their surprise, Bret and Shawn playing Sean's wrestling video game. The video game Bret has the video game Shawn in the sharpshooter.

**Bret:** (cheers) I won…I won.

**Shawn:** (throws his controller to the floor) You won in a video game. If we'd been doing this for real, there's no way you would have won.

**Bret:** That's because you would have found a way to screw me.

**Shawn:** There's only one way to find out. We program the holoporter and set up a ring, along with tens of thousands of screaming fans all crazy for me…

**Bret:** (disgusted) Ugh…

**Shawn:** There will be a referee and Hunter and the Kid can do commentary.

**Hunter:** Ooh, I want to be the heel announcer. I can do a pretty good imitation of JBL.

**Sean:** What does that make me?

**Bret, Shawn, and Hunter:** Michael Cole.

A beeping sound from the plasma television is heard and Vince appears on the screen.

**Shawn:** What now?

**Bret:** I thought you appeared only before posts.

**Vince:** I think I'll start appearing afterwards too. Just to check on your sanity. Are you crazy yet?

**Hunter:** That spam was bad, but you'll have to do worse than that.

**Sean:** Remember, most of us, if not all of us, wrestled at the same time as Doink the Clown and Goldust.

**Bret:** I've wrestled both and I gave them their first defeats.

**Shawn:** That's right. Neither had quite the same career after that. You're bad luck.

**Bret:** I will remind you that I made you, Owen and Austin.

**Shawn:** You did not make me. Owen, I'll give you that one, but I made Austin.

**Bret:** Who turned Austin into a babyface so that he could rise to be champion?

**Shawn:** (considers) You're right, that was you. Of course, in making Austin, you flushed your own career down the toilet.

**Bret:** Why I…

**Vince:** Is that the sound of disagreement and a foreshadowing of bloodshed to come?

**Sean:** Actually, that's pretty normal for them.

**Hunter:** And we wouldn't have it any other way.

**Vince:** You will bend to my will and soon…

**Shawn:** Yeah, yeah, yeah…good night Vince.

**Bret:** Good night, everybody.

The end of misting #3

Author's closing notes:

Hope you liked it. As always comments are appreciated.

In this fan fic, I decided to borrow lyrics from Weird Al Yankovic's 'Yoda', and lyrics from a Guys and Dolls song, which are just slightly rewritten.

I really enjoyed writing this one because it was less personally painful for the misters, so they could have more fun with it.

Just so you know, this spam is my own creation, but don't worry I never really sent it to anyone. It was written solely for the purposes of this fan fic.


End file.
